Craigslist seems to be the new version of Penthouse forum, so I have started submitting my work to them. I hope that the CraigsList audience appreciates my writing. Sure, there is no hope of a big paycheck like there was at Penthouse (I would have loved to earn that $75 check) but there is fame. Here is my first CraigsList letter.
I was reading the good-old internet today when I learned something new. The average man has 11 different sexual partners in his lifetime. I found this to be very disturbing. It poses a problem for me, a problem that I am hoping you can help me solve.
You see, I've only had four partners in my lifetime, so I find that I have a lot of ground to catch up. I'm also married so, I can't really go cheating 7 times or anything. I think I have a creative solution though.
I am looking for 7 women to sleep with me at one time! That way, I'll only cheat on my spouse once and I won't die feeling below-average. Here is how I envision it will work:
Who: Me, a 39 year suburban male, not particularly overweight, likes golf and drives a dodge avenger. I sell bank-owned commodities for a living and like to drink scotch. I purchased some viagra during a recent trip to the bahamas so performance will not be an issue.
You: Female, adventurous. Don't mind being in the company of 6 other women who are waiting to have sex with me when you are done. You should be disease free as a courtesy to everyone else involved.
What: Each of you will have sex with me at least once. I suppose you can have sex with each other. Actually, that would be cool.
When: Pretty soon, I hope. Let's say Jun 26th at 8PM.
Where: I'll get a really nice hotel room, like the executive suites. They even have kitchenettes.
How: Reply to this e-mail. Include a picture of yourself so that I can verify that you are a female. I'll arrange everything in advance and invite you. I'll provide the hotel, condoms, lube, sex toys, personal wipes, chocolate syrup, strawberries and champagne. I'd be happy to supply drugs, but I don't know where to buy drugs, but If you bring a receipt for your drug purchase, I'll reimburse you.
Thanks in advance. I look forward to hearing from you.