How to write a successful Penthouse letter:
- You never thought you would write but now you have the chance.
- This was a once in a lifetime experience and it REALLY HAPPENED!
- Everything went very smoothly, this could have happened to
anyone if they had only been in the same place at the same time
that you were.
- You are a very muscular well endowed man or you are a gorgeous,
- If you are a woman, you really are a woman that just happens
to read Penthouse Forum.
- One of the people involved is either a virgin or a experienced
person of the world.
- No matter how spontaneous the sex or how long it has been
since they have had sex, everyone involved just happens to have
well trimmed pubic hair and is wearing great underwear.
- The woman always orgasms, repeatedly, and when it is over
it is visually easy to recognize.
- The man always undresses with his penis in the vicinity of
the woman's face.
- The woman speaks rarely and only in double entendre.
- Women always referred to their own bodies in very graphic
ways. A common choice for you to describe your own vaginal is
"My cooze". You can
also use muff, quim, quiver, and gash.
- All men know the length of their penises sometimes they even
tell you how they measure it. For example: My cock is 7 inches
from base to tip and is 3 inches in circumference at the widest
part of the head.
- Women know their measurements even their waist measurement
and willingly disclose their weight. They are often barrel chested
ie: 34-26-42 DD and 105 lbs. This woman's rib cage and boobs
would weigh 105 lbs.
- Women have very few choices of profession. They can be librarians,
teachers, The Boss, eager saleswoman, stripper, and housewife
- Men have very powerful positions where they never have to
listen to a boss.
- Exotic locations always result in spontaneous sex in a public
- Old people do not have sex.
- Women always break out their vibrators even if it is their
first time having sex with someone.
- The signature is always witty, rhyming, or has a pun in it.